I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just want to make out with him forever
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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