so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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