here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
