i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
