Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
