I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
