You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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