I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
babies were throwing up all over the place
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
