I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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