he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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