i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
