Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I smell like Dick and happiness
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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