your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
