Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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