Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
