Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
