you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
