I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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