ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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