Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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