The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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