Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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