pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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