i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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