A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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