Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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