Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
