you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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