guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
