I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize