As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
