My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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