My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
