if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
How does one acquire holy water?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
