i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
