We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
