weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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