Porn is love you can see.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We had sex on a dog bed..
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
