time to smoke my breakfast
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
