WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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