Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize