just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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