I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
