she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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