i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
