u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
