So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
