Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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