I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize