Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
