..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
