I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I don't deserve a penis
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
