Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
