im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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