his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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