Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
