i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize