I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
