16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
