She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
