Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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