You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
