We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize