the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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