i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
