They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
