That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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