and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
