you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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