What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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