Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
