Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
