Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
