There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
