Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
