Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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