just survived the first fart of the relationship.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
My bed smells like the plague
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
