Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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