Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
