Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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