I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
