i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
