i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
