i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize