It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
