You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
