Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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