I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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