God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
