Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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