also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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