I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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