Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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