how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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