never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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