I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
