Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize