They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
