I wish I could teleport
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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