I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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