There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
