YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You have to summon your inner elephant
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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