I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
