What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
