Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
