Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
