your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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