The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
