Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I just blew my weed a kiss
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
