Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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