The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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