I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
its liver damage thursday
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
