And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
