The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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