I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Someone signed my nipple.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
