she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
