After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
