i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Girls should come with a carfax report
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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