Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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