Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
