Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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