I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
